Phantasmagoria 2

Phantasmagoria, Installment 2

Like Dionysius or the wild beast I have come full circle from my earlier position, the one I proposed yesterday. Now the heartfelt sentiment has turned sour and only a lonely tolling bell signals what had been a carbuncle of hope. I would not
renounce your mysteries so easily, nor would I suffer a misunderstanding: Far graver things than these have occupied my mind and through simple arithmetic I have devised a new logic for calculating the untenable. I suppose yours is a brighter, better future, for you are young and not yet trained in the grooved ways of the narrow social prison. I would only ask that you renounce obvious falsehoods and delight in those things which ring true for one with your understanding of fate. What can I say without sounding foreign? My tongue has learned the sounds of the meadows, the brook, the moaning lulling wind
about the eaves. I can but shadow my circumspect self looking for a sign of what once was and now is no more. I remain very truly yours--PBS

What would you have me say? I've given the best years of my life to you and how am I repaid? You bed a mere child, and right under my nose, as if I wldn't notice. This can only mean one thing:--divorce.Mlle Mulready

There is no future in what you are saying and there is no past. What had been a sincere hope is dashed. Ours is not a sophisticated science, one of physical pleasure--ours is a controlled aesthetic, for should we inadvertently set fire to the keg the explosion would remove the better part of civilization from view. I can only hope from our correspondance that you find yourself in improved health and that through a scurious means yours is not a protracted discomfort. Give all my best to C----. I remain yours, Lord B

We have as proof a very sad tale, one not easily told. Patrickson has taken his own life. So very promising was he. Now he is but an allusion to that poverty of spirit which is wanting in the hopeless. I would stand on solid bedrock if I thought I could but I feel my grip slipping. I can feel myself falling through a crack so infitissimally small that I can't believe I'm not in a cavern. Have you ever felt this way or is it the opium? I can't imagine what would have possessed you to write as you did. I have been most magnanimous, generous, and open-hearted toward you, as a brother should and for what? I've not approved of your leaving, of this you may be certain. We all had every reason for doubting the motives which you held to be pure and untainted. We all had fair reason to doubt the motives of that man you call friend. Mr. Shelley has not considered how your leaving with him has had a pernicious effect on your
reputation. Word has spread that intimacy is a common event between you and he. I doubt this very much myself but not everyone will provide you with the generosity of spirit of a brother. Honestly, Jane, what were you thinking? Of course you have pled happiness and that is worth something I suppose. You have certainly had yourself a little adventure. In some ways I envy you your freedom but in others I can only think that you have damaged your spirit in some way, which, when taken fully into consideration, is worth infinately more than the approval of a radical. I trust you will find it within your heart to
patch things up with Pappa and to come home soon. Mary is another case entirely. We miss her as well but quite clearly she is in no position to leave nor should she. Does this position on the issue surprise you? She is most certainly a ruined woman. What kind of life could she hope to have here, at the scene of her childhood? Her innocence is gone. Perhaps I am being unfairly critical and, if so, dearest Jane, please forgive me, for I am but emotional. Would you return sooner I might put on good cheer but my heavy heart will not allow it. Know that, regardless, I remain your ever-devoted brother--CC

Dearest Brother, would that I could return I would. I see my fate as a cruel one, broken by boundaries which have thrust themselves into my face quite unexpectedly. That I did not think things through is very true. I left for the Continent on an impulse and that impulse has shaped my life ever since. I assure you, I am well-treated here and want for very little. Shelley is teaching me Greek. He translates beautifully and one never had a more patient teacher. Mary spends her time mourning the loss of child which lived but 12 days. We do not speak of it and she has been ill, both through poverty of spirit and in the flesh. Perhaps Shelley is more optimistic on this front as he sees ample pportunity for having another child. He is currently negotiating with his father's solicitors and may inherit any day now, a most portentious event to be
certain. We all look forward to your next. Take care, fair brother, and may your spirit rest easy in your heart--Clara

(C) Copyright January 2006, Jeffrey Snodgrass